Marrowforums - Our friend Bob

Long before my wife Ruth was diagnosed with AA and then MDS, she and I went to college together. We had a regular group of friends we ate lunch with. We'd sit on the grass in front of the Math Sciences building and talk about whatever news there was on campus or in our lives. I met my friend Bob in Calculus class, and we became good buddies and core members of the lunch gang. Ruth (my girlfriend at the time) and I brought other friends to the group too. Eventually the group turned into couples, Ruth with me, Bob with our friend Barbara, and two other couples as well.

We graduated college together and attended each other's weddings. Ruth and I kept in touch with Bob and Barbara in the years since, primarily by exchanging cards, letters, and then email, since we lived in different parts of Southern California. We followed each other's lives as our children grew up and reached college age themselves.

Ruth is 9 years post-bone-marrow-transplant, but she still gets checkups now and then. One day late last year, we arrived at our treatment center (City of Hope) for one of these checkups and saw familiar faces in the entrance area -- Bob and Barbara! Not only was it a shock to discover that Bob had become ill, but we learned that Bob had just been diagnosed with MDS, the same rare disease we'd battled ourselves. And he too was facing a matched unrelated donor (MUD) transplant.

We were speechless at first, but then realized we could share what we knew about MDS, about treatment, and about transplants. We offered our help, referred them to the AA&MDSIF, and of course told them about Marrowforums.

We doubt that Bob and Ruth shared some chemical exposure in our college days; there's never been evidence of that, and tens of thousands have been just where we were. Instead, we think it was just a very ironic and very unfortunate coincidence that my wife and my college best friend both developed MDS, Ruth in her 40s, Bob in his 50s.

Bob's MDS was an especially serious subtype, MDS-RAEB, but he made it through his transplant. We were looking forward to seeing him at an upcoming transplant survivor's gathering. But today we learned from Barbara that Bob developed multiple tumors and then an infection that could not be stopped. He died peacefully last Friday, with his family around him.

In college, Bob and I loved to joke with each other, always teasing each other about our tiny Toyotas, his red, mine blue. We debated the merits of the pleasant/melodic music he liked versus the noisy hard rock I favored. He was the only college friend I talked with about politics. Bob was a dedicated family man, a hard worker, and a good member of his community. He set an example anyone could be proud to follow. It's again ironic that he worked for a medical company whose products benefit patients who suffer from bone marrow failure.

It's hard to accept that Bob is gone, and after becoming ill only last year. It's hard to believe that MDS can take any of us so quickly, and so unfairly, but I know from the AA&MDSIF and from Marrowforums that it happens far too often.

Even the best care available couldn't save the life of my friend Bob, and that's all the more reason to redouble our efforts to develop better treatments and find cures for bone marrow failure diseases.

Ruth and I are upbeat people, but today's news hit us close to home. We feel the loss of our long-time friend, and we will do what we can to comfort his wife and daughter. Then, as Bob would tell us to do, we will pick up our heads and look optimistically to the future.

Neil Cuadra