At the ripe old age of 34 there is nothing wrong with wanting to able to do more. You mentioned there is a donor available, do the docs feel that is a good option in the near future and is that being considered?
Life is partially what you make it, the other part is chance, so please do not blame yourself. Hopefully that remark had more sarcasm in it than I read the first time.
If you feel like venting, there will be someone here to listen
Hugs,
Debbie