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Ron's appt went well with MD Anderson, it seems to be a wonderful facility, but, Ron's problem is that he is so weak. The MDS doctor still referred Ron to a transplant doctor, but, admitted that Ron was "Not a True Candidate" for a transplant, unless he grew in strength and gained weight. He recommended no more chemo and go straight for the transplant, and the transplant doctor said the same.

The only problem is, Ron is so very weak and although he truly wanted to get stronger, the fact is, his body would not cooperate. We're suppose to return to MD Anderson after 1 month, which is this coming week. We were going to fly, but, his Oncologist here recommended against it. Matter of fact, Ron is so weak, they have repeatedly recommended Hospice and focus on comfort. All Ron has mentioned every single day for severl weeks is "Houston"... when are we going to Houston. I though it had become a fixation of his. His Oncologist urged me to call off the appt because Houston will be a drain on Ron's body. The only problem is, to me it would be like "Betrayal" because this is something Ron truly wants or shall I say... "Needs". He needs to hear it from the MD Anderson Doctor.... that they cannot do anything for him due to his weak condition.... and that it's Not Ron's fault.

Bless his heart. I've cried a lot over the past few weeks... I try not to cry in front of him... but, I did a few times, and I told him just how much I love him. I've asked him why we're going to Houston and he said, to see if I can get a transplant. I explained to him that it's not his fault, but, his body has not cooperated, that I did not want to lose him on the trip. He said, he know that I am concerned, but, this is something he truly needs.... to see the doctor face to face and hear what the doctor has to say. If I were to take this away from him, It would be wrong.... even if it means we lose some time...

This is so sad.... I was so encouraged after going to MD Anderson, but, immediately after returning, i knew that it would be almost impossible for Ron to get stronger. The last trip took so much out of him and I fear this one will be worse. He stares in space alot, he fidgets, and he says somethings that don't make sense. I just affirm what he says and i don't condradict what he says. Like, we're here at Emory getting PLTs for the trip and Ron asked "Who I played for?" I'm like, what honey? He said... "Basketball... who did you play for?" I just told him I played in middle school a little bit, but, wasn't very good. He just smiled...

This is really tearing me up. I so miss my husband... this disease has truly stolen him from me. But, I will say, I have learned so much over the past few years since Ron's dx. And, we have still had wonderful times together and we have grown so close in our relationship and we together have a deeper relationship with our Heavently Father. I have prayed and prayed for Ron's body to be healed on "This side of heaven". But, I have to realize and acknowledge that God has already delivered so many miracles in our lives.... and I have to focus on our blessings vs focussing on the sorrow now.

Family keep asking me how long Ron has? I don't know! I tell them only God knows, but if I had to guess, I believe it will be a matter of weeks...not months.

I wish I had better news....
Love you all.....
Cindy