[Darice]

Good for you for pushing that, Chirley. I have seen a lot of age bias, too, and it's sad. Like you say, the older patients tend to think of the doctor as a kind of god who shouldn't be questioned . . . I know my parents are/were that way. I have advocated for them a lot . . . and gotten them to doctors without that bias where I could.

I have a good "dad" story, too. My father just turned 89 and is in independent living . . . and there's another story; I had to "trick" him into it. Anyway, he's pretty self reliant and active . . . and stubborn. He has macular in one eye and a shingles infection in the other and his vision just isn't up to driving . . . never mind his strength, reaction time, and deafness. I had been trying to get him to give up his keys for a while (he wasn't driving, I took him everywhere he had to go, but he wasn't ready to give it up, either) but he was certain that he could drive short distances, during the day, in emergencies. I really wanted him to make the decision for himself because then he would stick to it . . . and I was keeping his car out of his reach. Anyway, I went with him to a doctor's appointment and the doctor was asking him about exercise. My dad was telling him what he did and asked: "I guess I don't know . . . what is normal for my age?" The doctor looked him in the eye and said: "Reed, for your age normal is dead." And this was not age bias, he was just making a point. Dad and I looked at each other and then we all just burst out laughing. It was enough for Dad to realize that his life really is pretty good . . . he is living in a place with lots of activities and a car and driver available if he needs it plus a mini-bus that makes regular shopping and doctor office rounds. A few minutes later, Dad asked the doctor if he wanted to buy a car (and he actually did come out and look at it) and he never looked back again. That was it. He made the decision himself and is happy with it.

That doctor is also a friend and we like him . . . but there are so many others I could just shoot. So many try to talk to me rather than to my father. I usually go along on doctor's appointments to help remember questions to ask and to take notes and the like . . . but Dad is in full charge of his health care and it really irritates us both when a doctor directs questions and conversation to me rather than Dad. I think we have gotten rid of all of those doctors.

Boy, health care can be so difficult, can't it?