[Julianna]

Hi everyone. Haven't been here for a while. I'm a little bit stressed (well actually that's an understatement). Sorry if this all comes out quite dramatic...but that's me. And I'm a bit scared too.

I had my first platelet transfusion today. Had to travel 4 hours round trip to just get treatment that I really needed. I've been sick with infections during the past year which for some reason depletes my red cells, so I need them too. But only sometimes. The rest of my days I seem really well.

But I live so far from the city hospital - the only place I can get platelets. And that scares me. It was a really close call yesterday, but I'm glad to be safely home now filled with fresh platelets!

I read somewhere about very low platelets being a poor prognosis. Bleeding being a main cause of death. Is this something should be worried about? Of course, most people would say that worry doesnt add one day to your life. So don't worry. But I'm plainly....scared. Would I know if I'm bleeding inside? What does it feel like?

I had a really bad sleep last night. Worried about these things. Hope to sleep really well tonight, being saved by my platelet transfusion.

I don't know how I can keep living like this. The uncertainty will probably kill me before the disease! I've been so stressed out. Feel sick with anxiety.

Thanks for letting me vent. Does anyone know what I'm talking about? And what do you do to keep calm over such LONG periods of.....up and down, sickness and wellness. I don't know how much of this I can stand.

But I guess you just have to. Day at a time hey? Thanks.