[Chirley]

Hi, as many of you would know I was diagnosed with MDS (? Incorrectly) in 2010. Since then I've been found to have a metabolic disease which causes copper deficiency and the resultant BM failure. This has responded to IV copper therapy.

Now for my problem. I was found to have del 15q which was found to be inherited, my mother has also tested as del 15q. She has been reasonably healthy most of her life apart from smoking related vascular disease which caused her right kidney to die. She recently turned 80.

For the last 3 months or so her health has deteriorated. She has stopped walking to the local shop, she has stopped gardening, she no longer does any cooking or cleaning. She is becoming neglectful of her own hygiene, she needs a haircut but refuses, she doesn't clean or cut her fingernails or toenails. My dad says she has become incontinent of urine and sometimes of her bowels but she refuses to admit it. She wears the same outer clothes for days and she looks unkempt. She is also short of breath on the slightest exertion and extremely pale. She has always been tanned and pink
but now she's just a white yellow colour. She has lost weight and her diet is very poor. She refuses to eat anything except fruit and drinks nothing but tea. My Dad makes nutritious meals for her everyday but she either takes one mouthful and leaves it or won't touch it. She used to be up at the crack of dawn but now she sleeps til after 9 then sits in a chair all day dozing off and on. She is extremely bad tempered and has withdrawn from all of us. She has always been close to my brother but now she even refuses to speak to him on the phone.

Needless to say my Dad is beside himself with worry and the actual physical toll of looking after her and all the housework, gardening etc is wearing him down too. He's 84 and has a bad heart with spinal cord stenosis. He has had a number of mini strokes and although he's coping well it's a lot for him to do. We have both spoken to Mum about her health and her lethargy but she gets really abusive and denies anything is wrong. She accuses Dad and I of smothering her and lying. She refuses point blank to go to a doctor. My mother has always been demanding and rude so this behavior is not out of the ordinary.

I asked my Dad whether he thinks that Mum is not competent to make decisions any more and he thinks it's a close call but neither of us wants to take her ability to make decisions away from her so we just pretend to ourselves that everything is okay.

I'm concerned that Mum has finally developed the same disorder that I have and I am desperate for her to see her doctor.

Has anyone here have any strategies that Dad and I can use to persuade her to seek treatment? Dad and I both feel increasingly angry with her for burying her head in the sand and refusing to let anyone help her. We don't want to feel anger, we both love her and don't want lasting memories of her as being tainted with anger.

Regards

Chirley