|
Birgitta I am feeling very down at the moment. I'm having copper treatment to keep me alive but sometimes I wonder if it's worth it.
I'm being treated as if I have no future. I try and try and try to optimise the function I do have but I get no help from the medical profession (my Physician is the exception, he is supporting me in my fight to fix other health problems).
I asked my GP for a referral for psychiatric help because I feel very depressed but he just offered more Valium which is a sedative and I really don't think I need something to make me even more lethargic. Whenever I tell anyone that I'm having problems coping with the stresses of a chronic illness they just tell me that I'm doing well. The fact is I smile and say I feel very well and make jokes etc but inside I feel very different.
There is no way in the world I would ever take my own life but I quite often wish I wasn't alive. It's not that I want to be dead, I just don't want to be alive.....if that makes sense.
If I didn't have elderly parents I'm pretty sure I would cease the copper treatments.
My old Dad is my rock, my support and my best friend and he has even told me that he gets sad that he has a better quality of life than I have. He's 85 with heart problems and he has been offered spinal surgery for stenosis caused by arthritis. I'm 57 and no one will offer me any treatment except pain killers.
I feel I'm just waiting day by day for the end to come. It's a bit like when I had pneumonia in both lungs......just concentrate on one breath and then the next breath and then the next and on and on.
|