I don't know much about searching for donors. My husband was lucky enough to have his brother as a match. But we went through 2 consults before he had his transplant. At both places--Moffitt and Loyola--they gave us tons of information to read. I read everything they gave us and also spent a lot of time on here to get as educated as I could about the situation.
I would not feel bad about asking any and all questions. Any doctor who takes offense to that, shouldn't. This is a stressful and scary time for anyone and, in my opinion, no questions should be off limits.
If I were you, I would want to know the specifics at this time. Why transplant now? What are the alternative treatments? What is the timeline on this? Is there a rush to go to transplant?
Other people can help you with questions about a potential donor. I don't know what is or is not off limits with that. But you do deserve to know as much as possible before undertaking a transplant.
Best of luck to you. Hope that helps a little.