[DanL]

Data,

Neil listed several great suggestions in his response. For me, it is making sure that I have a sense of accomplishment at the end of each day, no matter how ridiculously small it is compared to what my prior expectations of myself were. I want to be sure that at the end of the day that I lived a day instead of letting it pass. That means that I have some incredible periods of 15 minutes each day that I can look back on and say that I did it.

I have to feel like I contributed something each day, to my family, to a friend, to the world, to an anonymous person. I also look forward to each day being better than the previous day. That can be a 50/50 or worse proposition at times, but sometimes I get a 10 or 15 day hitting streak going and ride that for as long as it runs.

The motto of every day - enjoy what there is to enjoy, endure what there is to endure. Since developing MDS, I have actually learned to laugh out loud, to cry a little at stupid movie moments, and to let go of things that are out of my control, while managing the ones that I can as best I can.

I have also been a big sceptic on therapists and counselors, etc. I have found that I occasionally make that phone call just to check in to be sure that I am not sinking. Do it on your schedule, your need, and sometimes more frequently just to be sure.

Ironically, it is slowing down and appreciating all that I failed to appreciate previously that has helped me through for the past five years. I still have uncertainty every time that I go in for a blood count, a chemistry panel, every time that I sneeze. My blood pressure shoots up 20 points just by walking in the door, but drops as I am talking to the doctor, regardless of the news. Exercise has helped me push out negativity, cleaning the house, making a good meal, learning to make something new, laughing when I screw it up.

I know this response is getting long, but I also like to believe that every moment is a new moment and that I have an impact on that moment by making a choice - I can be angry, irrational, fearful, closed, sullen, etc.....or I can work on changing it right now to be happy(ier), ready to go, active, optimistic, appreciative, strong. This usually pushes me to do something, to get out of the chair (or into it if I am writing something), and activity seems to get me through.

These forums also seem to help and have been an odd place for me to find solace and perspective. We have Neil to thank for that.