[PrettyFunky]

I had been seeing a hematologist for a year now after having low platelets/anemia. He wasn't knowledgable and thought it was a transient ITP. I never felt sick other than fatigue and occasional bruising, so I didn't pursue anything and my platelets went from critical levels to non-critical after awhile.

That was until a week ago. I had been experiencing petechiae on my legs the week prior. Then I got a nosebleed that wouldn't stop. Knowing my history I went to the ER, as no doctors were open. Platelets were 4,000, HCT 25, low RBCs, low retics, WBC low but not outside the normal range. ANC less than absolute lymphocytes though.

Bone marrow biopsy/aspirate performed with low cellularity. It looks like my RBC/megakaryocyte lineage is what is failing. I don't understand everything that was said as I was very sick (still am) and I wasn't at a hospital that had specialists used to this type of stuff but they didn't want to release me or transfer me until my platelets were above 10,000 and bleeding stopped. Vitamin levels checked, alternatives eliminated. No dysplasia. Retic/plt/RBCs in CBC all below range and hypocellularity in the bone marrow plus eliminating all alternatives led to the diagnosis but I still am in a state of shock or denial.

I'm scheduled now to see specialists in AA now this week with possible outpatient platelet transfusions this week.

I'm really scared. I'm 29, alone, have good friends but they can't always be there to support me. I was just dumped by my boyfriend a week prior to this so that was added stress. I need to keep my job and work financially. There's just no way I can't, but I work in a micro lab of all places!!! I feel sick and don't know how I can take care of myself through all this.

I'm happy I will be seeing an AA specialist and understand there are treatment options. I do have one sister if a BM transplant is needed and IF we are a match but we are practically estranged!

I just have so much going through my head. I feel like my life is over. My career is over. I'll never be able to have kids. I could die. I don't know. I'm so confused and feel so weak after all this. How will I make it through? I was in a car accident a few months ago and everything was low then too. HCT/PLT so low they thought I might have damaged my spleen though scans were not conclusive and no follow up since I felt fine after rest. Now I'm scared I would die in another wreck. I'm scared to go out.

I just got home and am afraid to even be here. I'm alone now after my mom dropped me off and helped get me settled a bit. Do I need someone to take care of me through this? I don't have anyone who could really do that. I don't have the money to not work but I'm afraid of my job since it is a micro lab filled with bacteria.

I just feel so lost.