[PrettyFunky]

I honestly just feel like giving up. Before this happened my boyfriend dumped me, like I said, and it wasn't a normal breakup. A week prior he was professing his undying devotion and love and that he would always be by myside. Yesterday I talked to him on the phone and he had nothing but disdain for me. The only thing it compares to is if you look up and read about a Narcissist Discard in a relationship, where it just ends with no warning and you are basically as good as dead to them and they go on living their life like you never existed. So I was dealing and am dealing with the emotional damage from that, a broken heart, confusion, and a guy who seems to hate me that a month ago was going to marry me and never leave my side and always be there for me.

My mom is an alcoholic going through treatment and has an abusive boyfriend that doesn't like her spending time away from him so she is not available to me. She helped me get home from the hospital and quickly had to leave because he was yelling at her on the phone. This is a guy I've had to call the police on for threatening me.

My ex-roommate/former really good friend is young, immature, and has crossed some bad boundaries in my life so I don't have the energy to have her in my life right now.

This couldn't have emerged at a worse time in my life. My ex-husband owns the house I am staying at (I signed over my part of it to him) and says I can stay there as long as I pay the bills but he's of zero support which is fine because that relationship is over and he's moved on. I'm alone in this house and have no one.

I finally have a car but it's a stick and I'm so afraid of getting in an accident just trying to get to the treatments I need. Tomorrow I go in for a re-up of my platelets and Friday I'm supposed to meet the specialist.

Last night I spent the entire night crying after being called stupid, dumb, berated from my ex-boyfriend. I finally just deactivated my facebook account because he's living his life like nothing, like I never existed.

I talked to my sister and she says she's too sick (she has celiac) and has too much going on with her family to even consider being a bone marrow donor if it came to that, and she lives 800 miles away anyway.

I don't even feel like I want treatment at this point. I'm at the lowest point in my life. I'm terrified and literally have no one.

I don't even know what to do at this point in my life. I can't believe this is happening to me. I'm in so much denial that my body is actually shutting down.