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Thank you both for the responses. I ended up in a very dark place and went to the coast to get away. I can't say I didn't want to just die as dramatic as that sounds. I feel like AA couldn't have come at the worst time and just wanted to give up on my life. I read here how so many people have it much worse than I do and realize this fight isn't easy no matter what point you are in life.
I'm going home and will resume my treatment. I skipped getting transfusions and just left and went to the coast, on top of probably having a mild infection, so I'm feeling really bad and realize I put myself in danger.
Emotionally I may be getting slandered by my ex, but I'm not sure. I've received very odd emails from one of his friends and it's taken it's toll on me. It's been worse than a divorce and happened so soon before my diagnosis it was like a double whammy in life for me, and the ex has shown himself to be a totally different person than I could ever imagine. The only comparable things I can find are articles I read on narcissist and sociopaths "discard" of a relationship, and the relationship fit that pattern, so I've been left with so many questions, so much confusion, and a lot of despair.
I have to keep going though. I became so depressed going to my transfusions alone, my appointments alone, after promises from the ex he would always be there for me, then it turns out he honestly wouldn't care if I lived or died right now. My mom entered rehab again. It just all became so much to bear that I went away to escape.
I have the support of my other ex, Nick (I swear I make it sound like I have exes everywhere but I only have three: my ex husband who I have nothing to do with now, my doctor ex who is a stand up, incredible friend, and my liar ex). He's proved to be a great friend and always was a completely honest, genuine guy and I know he will go above and beyond to help me. I'm actually probably going to be moving in to his guest room, as I lost my living arrangements and I would feel better having the emotional support and kindness of his friendship, plus I think it will help for my treatment.
I ended up getting a cleared head over here on the coast and will proceed with life.
Thank you for offering support and stories and letting me ramble. It's nice to be heard and to know I have a place like this. I'm also interested in the treatments I read here, such as Promacta. My platelets are my worst line that's affected so hopefully there will be good news regarding that drug getting fast tracked approval.
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