Anne,
The combination of hardships you're dealing with is more than anyone should have to face.
Taking care of yourself is so important. I hope you find a way to get rest more regularly and not stretch yourself to the point where the nurses have to send you home again. It's not selfish and it's not abandoning Dean for you to take the necessary breaks from your time at the hospital. It's for his own good that you take care of yourself. A frazzled, overtired wife with nerves on edge isn't what he needs.
Your caring and dedication are apparent to us and he knows it too. You are there to comfort him, keep an eye on his care, and talk to the doctors with him, but you just can't be there every waking hour or take over for the nurses. You might want to read or post in the
Getting through the day as a caregiver thread.
It's good that you track his treatment and medications and can help him cope but don't expect to do more physically than is possible. I think you'll need to let the nurses to do more of his physical care. Yes it's embarrassing to need help with cleaning and the bathroom but maybe it will take the sting out of it once he sees how matter-of-fact the nurses are about these things. They do it all the time and they are good at it, both thorough and efficient. If the hospital has both male and female nurses available, perhaps he could indicate a preference. Think of it this way: you want to help Dean but you need the nurses to help YOU.
You said they aren't giving Dean fluids. Is he getting saline or other fluids by IV? If so, he can get all the liquid he needs that way, so it's OK if he drinks from a cup only when he wants to. If the doctors want him to drink more than he's been willing to, you could ask the hospital nutritionist to stop by. In my experience they always come with ideas you haven't thought of yourself.
Father's Day must be bittersweet with the kids' reacting the way you've described, especially if they are usually with him for Father's Day. Are they adolescents or adults? Young people often see the world through a self-focused point of view, wondering how things will affect them before others, and being less able to face and comfort someone who is ill. At any age it's scary when your parent is seriously ill. They can see the strain on you too, and that has its own effects. I don't know the answers but it's good that you are willing to talk about it.
With all the ups and downs of MDS there are bound to be worse days and better days each week. I hope you'll be able to notice and appreciate each day that is better than the previous day.