[anne&dean]

Yesterday was a very bad day, emotionally, Deans children are in there 40's and neither showed up for fathers day. One was right here in town and getting ready to go to the beach, the other 3 1/2 hours away. His kids especially his daughter has always made a big deal of fathers day and she finally called about 3pm. I was really surprised that she did not come knowing that this would probably be his last fathers day. His children are already argueing over his will, as it was not stated correctly, it was stated as the material things in one town went to one and the things in another town went to the other. I would like to just slap them both, ever since his blasts went up, and the dr. gave him 3 months they have been at it. Dean owns alot of big landscape equipment, property, since his son had always worked with him, he thought he should get the equipment that was in one town and the daughter the equipment in another, now it is don't bring anything to one town cause the other might get it. This week it was an arguement over a old car, that if it is worth $1,500.00 you would be good to get it. The son was stateing to me that he had a notion to drive the car down here, cause he didn't want his step sister to get it . He is getting 4 trucks, 3 skid-steers, and 2 trackhoes. They are both getting property that is equal in selling price. Being as Dean and I are not legally married but have been together for 20 years, I opt out of having any of this, I did not want to fight with his kids and his real wife, even though they have been leagally separated 20 years. I know it is gonna be a mess but had no idea that it would start before he was dead. I have always heard that when someone passes the argueing starts, heaven help us, cause I am not going to be mixed up in this. His son has worked with him all his life, but work has quit since December and jobs are just not out there. One did cross us and I did the bidding on it as I have always done, and the son went and talked to the people and ended up loseing the job. He has never had any interest in the company and now he is just drawing his unemployment and having a vacation. It really hurt his father as the company is very old, Deans father started it and He had hoped that his adoptive son would contuine with it. I think he thought once he wasn't active in it the son would step up.

I was sitting on the bed talking to Dean and he out of the blue ask me was this it , meaning he was dying. I have never seen him cry and the tears were just rolling out of his eyes. The nurse had just stepped out of the room, but she was able to hear the converstation. I assured him that no he was not dying, told him did he see the family gathered around his bed. Later the nurse came in and I ask her to reassure him, and she told them that they had lots of patients worse than him and that they would be going home, just like he would! Then when I gave him his fathers day card from me, the tears started rolling again, it just broke my heart. After talking with him and the nurse, finding out that he was so nerveous and anxious, the nurse and I figured out that alot of it was probably due to the fact that for the last 20 years he has been taking .5 mg. of xanax, and that since he had been in the hospital for a week that had not given him anything. She immediately paged the doctor and they gave him another drug, can't remember the name, but after 30 minutes he did not seem as anxious. She told us the doctor thought that maybe the combination of an antibaterial drug he was talking and the xanax could have been the problem and that is why she did not give him the pill.
They are trying to get his platelets and blood built up so that they can do an ediscopy today, as his stools are still black and the medication is not helping the diarrea, where ever the blood is coming from it is coming out as fast as they put it in.
Don't know if they had to give him any more, they were starting the second set when I talked to him at 8 pm last nite.
No I am not taking care of myself and know I need to, the nurse is really on me but I find it so hard to leave him. My neighbor brought over a book last nite and told me to read it, it is called Surviving Cancer Emotionally, I will take it with me today and start on it.

Just got off phone with nurse, they don't have labs back yet, but she told me sometimes they will do the procedure and be giving plateletts at the same time. I am hopeing that this will be the case.

Thank you all for letting me get this out of my system, and for all your prayers.

Ann