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Pretty funky - I went to the dark place - in fact i suspect a good many of us do when we are first diagnosed. But you know, there are many reasons for you to come back to earth - you are alive, you have a battle on your hands, but you can beat this, you can change the course of your current pathway. This thing wants to win, you just have to take a deep breath and tell yourself that you have been through much and have survived thus far and this bloody horrible disease can go ~@~@## it self! You get angry at it, destroy the power of it that is trying to take hold. Start planning your future, write down your ideal partner, and set that as a goal, start planning what you are going to do different to what you have done in the past to make sure your future is better. I found "mindfulness" was a godsend through treatment, just being in the present moment, without judgement.
Look it up on youtube - you have a new family now, your AA family, we do know what you are going through, and we are always here for you to rant at - dont give up - join us in the army and lets kick the ass of AA - join us princess warrior we need you onboard xxxx
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