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I certainly appreciate the kind words. I really don't want to go on disability. Work provides structure to my life, and gives me a sense of purpose and worth. I guess it does for everyone. I've been working from home due this illness for the past almost 4 years. I know I couldn't hack it if I couldn't do that. But I don't know. I have days where I wonder if I will wake up the next day. Who knows, maybe I'm not really that sick. I guess you never know how sick you really have to get to die until it happens. Could be that I'm just hypersensitive. But something is wrong. I know my body well enough to know that. Something isn't right.
The response I'm getting from my hematologist is basically, "your neutrophils are more than 200 and you're not experiencing baterial sepsis, so why are you wasting my time?" Similar to the response I got from doctors before I lost my liver.
I am requesting a bone marrow biopsy even though he doesn't want to do one. Though now he's just not returning my calls. Argh - oh well. I'm not perfect. I guess they are not either. At this point, I will just find the tests I want run and ask them for lab orders. If they want to add on top of that, great.
Again, thank you everyone for your kindness.
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