[georges]

You are all so incredibly strong people. I'm really trying to be. I've managed to not break down in front of him, but I have moments of sheer panic when it starts to occur to me that he doesn't understand what he has. He is a workaholic so I don't think he's done any research into this. I've been researching it and so I feel like we are at this point where I know and he doesn't. I can't tell him. Call it weakness, but I can't do it. I'll let the doctor do it. I don't know what to do. I need help. I can't go on for a month like this waiting for the results of his bone marrow biopsy. The bone marrow aspiration is today. I love him so much it's unbearable to witness this. I need to find help. I keep crying every, in the car, at the gym, in the shower, on my walk to metro, in the bathroom at work, at my desk. I can't eat without wanting to vomit. My nerves get so bad I can't control my bowels. I've managed to hide this from him. I hugged him this morning before leaving for work. I held him close and tried to remember his feel, smell, and face. I then walked outside and cried the whole way to metro.

Today, is bone marrow aspiration day. We will get through it. I'll hug and hold him all day when the procedure is over. Tomorrow we are going to visit my parents.

Thank you all so very, very much. You're all incredibly strong people.