You certainly sound very stressed about your diagnosis. We on this forum can empathise with you. It's a bit like suddenly walking into a totally dark room!
Be assured that this is one of the best places you could go for support and information. I want to reassure you that many of us live fairly normal lives with blood results that look quite horrible, and prognoses which sound scary. Remember that median life-span means that there are many who live longer than that. Personally, I never think of myself as having cancer.
The American Cancer Society has some easy-to-understand information about MDS here:
http://www.cancer.org/cancer/myelody...omes-diagnosis
This is another informative website:
http://www.thirdage.com/hc/c/myelodysplastic-syndrome
Remember that knowledge is power when it comes to MDS. For starters you will learn what questions to ask your doctor.
While waiting for your next doctor's appointment if you want to know what anything on your blood test results or bone marrow results means there are usually people on this forum who will be able to explain in everyday language for you.
PS: It sounds as though you are a Christian, so I would like to encourage you with this bible verse: "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." (Phil. 4:6-7) Hand your anxieties over to God and He will give you peace.