[Chirley]

I have just been through the same dilemma and it was not an easy path. I'm not a tactful person by nature but I had to tread very carefully and sensitively. It was against my nature but I tried to learn to change my behavior so I could help my parents.

In the beginning I had no choice but to step in and take control and manage absolutely everything....I found that tiring but easier to do than later on when things were settling down and I could relinquish responsibility bit by bit.

In the end I simply asked if my Mum and Dad would tell me what they wanted me to look after and made them aware that I was happy to step back and be their support person if or when they needed it. Just today my Mum gave me Power of Attorney over her Health Directives in preference to my father who she thought (rightly) would be too stressed and confused to make decisions about her end of life care.

My father has also delegated some of his responsibilities to me for instance dealing with my mothers medical appointments, keeping track of the medical bills and paying them and also communicating with her doctors about treatments, tests and investigations.

The lines of responsibility have been marked out but I have made them aware that I am available for anything else they want help with.

There have been tense moments and lots of forced conversations but we got there in the end. My family have never been great communicators nor have we been touchy, feely but we all had to talk honestly about what we each expected from the other.


I sincerely hope that you can work out a way to deal with your issues too. It's not easy.

Regards

Chirley