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Old Tue Apr 29, 2008, 08:29 PM
Kathyete Kathyete is offline
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 4
Angry aunt took mom from nursing home

My mom was in the hospital, rehab, hospital, hospice house, nursing home. Her Dr. stopped transfusions 11 weeks ago because they were not getting good results and her latest illness along with past medical history. The plan was that when she started to fail that she was to go back to hospice house. Somehow she got better from her last illness, by all means she was better not well. She is able to dress, do personal care and walk 300 feet really amazing for someone who had a hemoglobin of 5.8 4 weeks ago. She did not like being in the nursing home but everyone felt that she should be there they were sure that given time she would come around and they felt that her health would start to fail because if no transfusions.

On Friday I get a call from the home that my aunt is there and wants to take mom home. They said that they had to let her go because she was conpenent and wanted to go with her. I know that my aunt doesn't like nursing homes but why was it ok for her to be there 7 weeks before she took her out?

I talked to my aunt and told her that mom can't make her own medical decisions, she thinks that because she can walk that she is well. She know that she has a blood disorder and someday she will die, she does not understand that because she has not had blood that she is dying now. My aunt told me that there is nothing worng this moms mind because she can talk about the stock market and things in the news.

I told her because of moms low hemoglobin that at anytime mom could have a stroke or heart attach. Also that moms most likly has had damage done to her organs and brain because of low oxygen levels. my aunt said that the people in the home said that mom didn't need to be there. I'm not sure why they would tell her that when she was in hospice care and they knew she was dying.

Well she picked her up in her car and took her 150 miles to her home, a little ride for someone just out of the hospital setting. She told me that they were not going to just let her sit and rott that they were going to do things with her, I'm not sure what mom said something about shopping. Mom has 8 fractures in her back and they did not get a hopital bed, wheel chair or walker for her. Mom has at high risk for a fall because of her back, low oxygen level and she is blind in one eye. My aunt said that she has no rugs for her to trip on and her furniture has rounded corners so she can't get hurt on it. She never said anything about the 6 month old puppy that runs everywhere.

How can someone that loves? her sister so much that she saves her from a nursing home have so little regard for her physical health?

If you can give us any input on this or know of anyone that had this happen to them and what they did please post. We really need help to get thur this, we gave up our lives 18 months ago to come and take care of mom. We got her thru the shingles twice, 2 eye infections a torn cornia uti, twice and renal failure all the time treatment for her MDS.

Thank you reading

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Old Wed Apr 30, 2008, 10:56 PM
Zoe's Life Zoe's Life is offline
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Logan, Ohio
Posts: 127

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. While your aunt may not understand the condition of your mom, I suspect she just wants her close. Maybe your mom even asked her to get her. Can she get hospice at your aunt's? Have you talked to your mom since this happened? Maybe she knows the end is near and wants to be home rather than in a nursing home. I don't know, but it sounds like the first step is communication.

If communication isn't working, and you are really concerned, you might try calling Adult Protective Services. They can check into the situation and get your mom what she needs.

Diagnosed MDS-RA 5q- at age 47 (November 2006). Aranesp 2/07, good response.
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Old Wed Apr 30, 2008, 11:35 PM
Ruth Cuadra Ruth Cuadra is offline
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 612

You're in a very difficult position, but you might start by talking to your Mom's doctor to get an appraisal of her condition the last time he/she saw her and a summary of her medications. Then you'll be in a better position to talk to your aunt about the kind of care your Mom may need.

If you think your Mom is not really capable of making her own decisions (even though those decisions might not be the ones you hope she'd make), then I agree with Zoe that Adult Protective Services might be the way to go.

Hope this helps.

Diagnosed AA 10/96, MDS/RA 6/98, MUD/BMT 10/6/98
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Old Thu May 1, 2008, 10:37 AM
Marlene Marlene is offline
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Springfield, VA
Posts: 1,360

It is so important to speak with your Aunt and mom. If your mom does not require skilled nursing, then I can see them releasing her as long as she's not alone.

If she is coming into her final days and is in hospice, then this can be managed with in-home hospice care. Of course you need to have a level of confidence that your Aunt can take on the role of caregiver for your mom.

It's a difficult situation to be in.

Wishing you the best.

Marlene, wife to John DX w/SAA April 2002, Stable partial remission; Treated with High Dose Cytoxan, Johns Hopkins, June 2002. Final phlebotomy 11/2016. As of January 2017, FE is 233, HGB 11.7, WBC 5.1/ANC 4.0, Plts 90K.
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