New kid on the block

[andystockers]

Hi.
I came across this site today, fantastic resource.
I'm a retired GP (British speak for family physician). Diagnosed 10y ago with hypocellular MDS, my consultant told me to go and read about it as I was a clever chap. "Most patients are dead in 2y" gave me a shock that contributed to a breakdown (lots of other factors too) and resulted in me being retired on medical grounds as I couldn't think straight. In retrospect major depression with adjustment reaction but one of the downsides of being a Dr is that people around you are easily deskilled and don't assess you properly, plus you're so used to functioning under mega stress that your symptoms are pretty well hidden.
Anyway I'm about adjusted to retirement; due my biennial assessment and bone marrow trephine on Wednesday this week.
Grateful to be alive.

[Neil Cuadra]

Andy,

At 10 years you've certainly proven that you're not "most patients." A diagnosis like yours really does change your perspective on life and work, doesn't it? And it can affect how others look at you too.

Although most people who show up at a forum site like this are hoping to learn more about the disease, some patients prefer not to know too much about their condition since it can be quite frightening and make it hard to cope. But as a physician I guess you don't get that choice. You know what's going on and what it means when you are diagnosed with MDS.

[Chirley]

Welcome andystockers.

There seem to be a disproportionate number of health care professionals on this site. Coincidence?

Glad to hear you're adjusting to retirement. I was supposed to retire a year and a half ago but just couldn't take that step. I accessed my Income Protection Insurance (for temporary conditions) which came to an abrupt end when my doctor wrote a report to them stating that my condition was permanent. I'm using my Long Service Leave at the moment and when that runs out (October), I'll use my Recreational and Sick Leave. I figure I'll finally have to retire early 2012.

I am/was an RN working in a Government hospital, I've been at the same institution for over 24 years. My doctor says I should enjoy retirement and look forward to lots of sleep ins and holidays but I have that now and it's not what you fantasize about when you're having the day from hell at work. I'm dreading the day when I hang up my nursing shoes but reality is reality and I'll just have to accept it. I can empathise with you.

Hope you can come to enjoy the free time that you wouldn't be used to having.

Regards

[andystockers]

I'm sure that health professionals, being articulate, curious and well informed are less ready than most to accept a diagnosis passively; and more likely than most to need peer group support because they KNOW the doctor isn't God whereas most people just suspect he might not be............

It has taken several years to adjust to retirement, and I still have days when I long for the safety of somewhere to go where I have no decisions to make apart from those relating to other people.
So what DO I want to do with my life? Throw it down at the service of my fellow man? I see through the altruism these days and perceive the murky outlines of uncertainty and lostness and understand well why I was such a "caring" doctor.

I'm fairly happy most of the time. Digging a pond; fencing in a new vegetable plot; building a big shed for the big mower; fitting out a new workshop.

Ah, how are the mighty fallen.

[Neil Cuadra]

Andy,

It sounds like you have the type of retirement many look forward to, except that you didn't get to choose retirement on your own terms. In a way it reminds me of recent college graduates who worked hard in school and suddenly find themselves unsure what type of job to look for, with too many possibilities without the certainty school provides, and not knowing if they'll find satisfaction with what they choose next.

If you're happy to putter around the house, I hope you'll enjoy it even more over time. If you'd rather do more, you can watch for the opportunities that come along and see where life takes you next.

Good luck with your bone marrow exam tomorrow.

[celebrations]

Hi Andy,
may I ask, what type of MDS you have...and what your symptoms and therapies are like ?
I am just at the point of retiring with 54, because I am not able any more to function as I should in a principal's position, suffering from severe fatigue due to anemia. I have delt with this for a couple of years, but it became worse and worse. There were times this spring I was that tired, feeling to go home and lie down, at 11 am in the morning after three hours of work...but of course I stayed and continued working for another six or seven hours.
Going to bed right after, without feeling any positive effect of the recreation in the next morning after 10 hours sleep.
I could definitely not go on like this.
Tomorrow will be my last day !
On one hand I am released not to have the pressure anymore, on the other I completely understand, what you say and feel about your retirement.
I will continue giving four lessons per week. Besides I already work in patients' support groups and I am a patients' advocat.
I think these tasks will help me to get over my breaking up with the job.

Maybe you could do some honorary work too?
Good luck and nice to meet you here,
Bergit from Germany

[andystockers]

I have MDS at the AA end of the spectrum - empty bone marrow, dysfunctional leucocytes, high MCV, platelets now about 55, Hb now about 12. The only treatment I received was ciclosporin and daclizumab, about 6 years ago when my platelets were 25 and falling.

After retirement I wasn't allowed to see patients face to face because of my low neutrophils and risk of infection so I did telephone surgeries. Unfortunately control freaks at the practice wouldn't let me function as a decision making professional and I thought I'd better retire properly.

So I write songs, make and mend furniture, beautify the lovely old house we share with another 8 people, dig a pond, make a fence for the vegetable garden.........
O yes and mentor some of the fatherless young men in the church, which is great fun and keeps my skills sharp.

No BM today as bloods have been stable; quite a relief as i don't like them very much,

And review in another 2y.

[wilmasdaughter]

Welcome Andy. I'm a caregiver for my 88 year old mother, diagnosed earlier this year with MDS. You are right, this is a great forum for asking questions, getting help and just SHARING.